Things are looking up

Since being robbed, I have been feeling all sorts of crazy emotions.  When I wake up in the morning and see the sun shining brightly, hear the children laughing, and smell the bread toasting in the kitchen downstairs, I feel safe, happy, and like I can take on the next 5 months.  However, when it begins to get dark outside I start feeling nervous, scared, and like I just want to go to bed to get the dark night hours over with.  The dark makes me think about what happened, makes me picture the two men riding up on the motorcycle and makes me miss my home in the suburbs like crazy. 


Today, I was able to sleep in (no class on Fridays here...WAHOO!!!), so I woke up around 9 and got out my computer to check my email and such.  Right now my computer is my only form of communication with everyone so you can probably imagine my dismay when I logged on to find out that my wifi was not working.  I did not even have any connection options available.  Being the tech genius that I am, I just kept restarting my computer.  I was so confused, frustrated, and just feeling bad for myself.


While I was struggling desperately to figure out my computer mi abuela came into my room and asked if I wanted to walk to the store with her.  I said yes, and I am so glad that I did.  Who knew there was a huge (and I mean HUGE) shopping center right around the corner from my house?  Not me.  As we were walking, I watched all of the people outside playing, drinking mate, and going for walks, and I just realized that this is not a bad, scary place.  I had a crappy experience, but that is rare.  Families live here, children are raised here, my sweet little abuela walks to the grocery store here.  This is not a place to be afraid of.


After our walk to the store, mi abuela accompanied me to el centro where I had to meet the other students and our program director to get our visas.  Then, mi abuela and I walked around el centro for a while and again I had the same thoughts.  This place, this city, this home to many is beautiful despite the rare, horrible incident that happened to me.  I just have to remember that what I experienced is not the norm and what I saw on my walks is the norm.


I also loved that I got to spend quality time with mi abuela.  She makes me feel at home here, and loved, and cared for.  She helped me look at maps to get oriented with the city and even wrote down important street names for me.  She is my little piece of comfort and I don't know what I would do without her.  On another bright note, my wonderfully intelligent sister, Abby, figured out what was wrong with my computer.  I accidentally pushed a key that turned the wireless off.  Classic.  I pressed one button and problem solved.  


Tonight, I am conquering my fear of being outside in the dark.  I am going to meet my speaking partner, Florencia for dinner (yes we eat dinner at 10pm here) and then we are going to a boliche to dance.  I am excited and I am terrified.  Mi abuela is walking me to the bus stop, I am taking the bus by myself, and then meeting Florencia in el centro.  I am not afraid of any of that.  What I am afraid of is when I arrive at my house and have to walk up to the gate and think about what happened.  But I am going to conquer this and it is going to happen now, because if it doesn't I will live in fear for the next 5 months, and I cannot handle that.  So here goes...I'll be praying the whole time.